The Public Toilet

I think using the public toilet is like picking up a 5 cents coin on the road, you dont really want to do it, unless you absolutely need to. Actually I had an uncle whose death was kindda related to the public toilet. He had picked up smoking because of the toilet, cos he claimed public toilets stink so bad that he has to smoke to neutralise the stench. But he had to quit smoking because the governement has banned smoking in the loo. Then he started using the Axe brand medicated oil on his nose instead, for the same aroma therapy effect. One day he had forgotten his Axe oil and so he used one hand to pinch his nose tight and the other hand for support on the wall in the cubicle. But he later lost his balance while standing up and knocked himself on the wall. He later died of head injuries. Thats how the public toilet caused the death of my uncle.

I was using one this morning when I realised how high tech our public toilets have become. They are all fitted with sensors, no more arm bending lever for flushing. Even the lights on the ceiling are motion detectors. If there is no one using the toilet, the lights switched off automatically. See how smart they have become? I heard scientists are developing cisterns which are able to flush according to the weight of your output ... so if you really want to waste water, just drop a brick into the bowl and it will flush forever.

But sometimes these sensors don't work very well, especially at night and in the dark corner of the shopping centre. Ever step into one where all the cubicles are vacant, nobody is around except you, you are washing your hands and looking at the mirror when sudddenly the cistern just flushed by ityself! Scares the shit out of you man! And its not even near the Seventh Month Ghost Fest. You will feel the sudden gush of wind fly by you and makes you want to pee again.

I cannot stand it when you are in the cubicle, happily but quietly doing your business, when the malfunctioned sensor just triggers off and flushes .... Hello??!! Can't you see I am still here, I am not done yet you know ... Then you see the sensor flashing again as though he is blushing. And when you are done, the sensor fell asleep!!! Excuse me, I am done, can you just flush??!! No response. You wave your hands in front of him and beg him to flush, but he won't. Now you are thinking, someone's standing outside there waiting to use the toilet, if you don't get rid of that mess, there's no way you going to carry on with your life. So you try to trick the sensor. You shift to one side of the cubicle and pretend that you left and then return to the seat. This way the sensor would assume a new customer has arrived and start doing his work again.

But despite the high tech in the cubicle, there are some cavemen who still quite not know how to use the toilet seat. You walked into the public toilet, put down the toilet seat and then you realised there are two giant footprints on the seat cover! To me, thats better than a circus act. If you are able to balance on the rim of the toilet bowl, read the papers, and still aim properly at the small pool of water below, then you are better than the tight rope walkers. There is no reason why you should not sell tickets for your act.