No Eating

Yesterday saw this gorgeous student's handphone that says "No Eating" on the screen. Technically speaking, that's a very high-end phone. Cos my stupid handphone has a very limited vocabulary. He can only tell me things like "No GSM card" or "No battery" or "No network", but never a big word like "NO EATING". That's too much for him to handle.

Of course the question my warped little brain would ask is, who is not allowed to eat, the handphone or the owner? If its for the owner, then I can understand why because she's probably trying to starve and look pretty. But I think she should change the phone's wallpaper to say, a picture of a Changi Prisoner of War. I think that would serve as a better reminder, and everytime she looks at the picture of some skinny bones half-naked prisoners, she would be smiling and imagine herself doing the catwalk at some Milan fashion show, where dinner would be water with three beansprouts.

But seriously, this student is pretty. She has that Oriental look (whatever that means) that would make Gong Li feel inadequate and Mao Ze Dong drool in his very long sleep. Anything slimmer than that would make her look wobbly and Olive. Some people don't look good when they are thin. Like elephants would definitely fail the circus audition if they look skinny and the killer whale won't make it to the aquarium without the blubber. Ever see a Ikan Bilis on exhibition? Market yes, Underwater World no way! They are always so dried out. The Ikan Bilis species are regrettably underweight and malnourished. Thats why they are always brown on the dining table, at least they looked tanned and crunchy and not pale and frail. And they usually need the Nasi Lemak to back them up in case nobody sees them.

Somehow the advertisments have a part in influencing how we should look. They always have those before and after picture to convince the feeble minded. The 'before' shows the person in five layers of ski jackets and then the 'after' picture with the same person in leotards. And for the the person signing up the programme, the 'before' photo is a grinning face with wallet full, giving money to the slimming centre versus a 'after' not so grinning wallet empty face, holding 50 bottles of do-it-yourself slimming jelly. For the owners of slimming centres, 'before' a Suzuki car and HDB flat and 'after', the Suzuki company and a $10 million bungalow.

These slimming centres are really anti-food people. They are the ones whom scientists hate and reviled. Man has been looking for food everywhere ever since the refrigerator was invented. Cos if there's no food, why would you need the fridge for? The scientists spend their entire lifetime and money and energy looking for more food for earthlings. They even went to the Moon and recently Mars to look for food in case one day we run out of fruits and vegetables. Thats why the astronauts always have that space vehicle with them when they travel, in case they find something they can buy when they are roaming around.