The Toilet Reader

Yesterday after chatting with Porky, I realised I have a significant number of friends who enjoy browsing, reading, studying in the most sacred place of your home .... the toilet.

For your info, I don't do it, neither have I tried. My sitting room, study room, kitchen, walkway, storeroom and balcony are usually not fully booked, so I have plenty of seats available for reading without a stench lingering around me. For those who have done it, you must know what the experience is like and it's not something easily understood by the commoners. What is usually a 5 minutes business in the loo can end up as long as a full tutorial hour for the avid ones. And you should know the pleasures of reading in the toilet, or else you won't be indulging in this extraordinary habit. For me, I would need a oxygen mask and burn up a few bottles of Chanel No 1 to 10 to stay beyond what's necessary in there.

I guess there must be a certain sensation which the toilet reader achieves when he is half naked (or full), sitting on a toilet bowl (or squatting) and reading at the same time. Somehow this odd combination produces a joyful effect not easily accomplished when reading normally elsewhere. Or could it be the foul smelling crap that enhances the reading pleasure? If that is true, we should all keep the toilet doors open in the library instead of Starbucks.

I have over the years developed that special skill of identifying reading materials that have been expended by the toilet readers. Newspapers are the easiest because the print has a chemical reaction in the loo, then comes out different in texture and feel than when it is freshly delivered in the morning. I usually avoid any contact with these materials and would freak out if any one of them comes physically close to me. I am not afraid of germs but I am sure most of you would feel the same with those toilet reading materials. And it is hard to share these things after they have been through the toilet with the reader, I would imagine a special bonding would have developed after going through thick and thin in there.

If being productive in the toilet is crucial, then one should consider installing a tv and video player in there. Then you can watch National Geographic and see how the villagers in Africa dig out their own private bathroom while you enjoy the coolness of the ceramic bowl that you are sitting on. But compare to books and magazines, the tv and video can be a little more tedious to operate in the toilet ... you know, with all rewinding, fast forwarding and changing of discs. So that's why most people still prefer reading, because you can fast forward from chapter to chapter in the book without touching any buttons on the remote control.

Actually I would like to open this discussion to those who read in the toilet. You try and convince me why I should even try and bring a book in. All amateurs and professional toilet readers are welcomed. Let us into your whole wet world of toilet reading.

p.s. Someone just mentioned she have seen bookshelves in a toilet before .... well I guess they have run out of walls in the house.