The SMS

One of the better inventions of the century has to be the Short Message Service or the SMS. The low battery life of the mobile phone is a bad invention. I have this feeling that they have already found the answer to perpetual life battery but just would not disclose it, because they are afraid to put those people selling battery chargers out of business. Millions will lose their jobs if we stop using battery chargers.

I love the SMS. It is the most convenient way of communicating with another person without talking. No one else on the planet can do that ... except those who are in the extra-sensory power trade or the deaf and dumb. Sometimes I find it easier to SMS than to talk. It's like writing a mini letter to someone. You don't want to immediately hear how the other person respond, so it's easier to compose your thoughts, take your time, write and then wait for the reply. So if you are slow thinker type, the SMS is one way of curing stupidity. And you can prevent all the awkward pauses associated with talking live to another person. You run out of things to say, the other person is waiting but has also lost the momentum momentarily. This is the awkward pause. You feel the pressure building in your head, you got to say something, but you donno what to say! And then you start to say something totally unrelated and trivial like "So .... what you eating for tommorrow's breakfast?" The SMS gets rid of all awkward pauses.

You know there is a world record holder for the fastest SMSer in Singapore? I am not too sure why she does that but I tend to believe she is in a hurry. You have to be rushing for time in order to do things fast right? Otherwise what will be the point of typing that fast? If you want it that fast, just pick up the phone and call! I have to admit I cannot do it that fast, firstly age has something to do with it, secondly the buttons are so tiny and my fingers are too big.

But I know some students who are able to do it blind folded and with the phones in their little pocket. Sometimes they do it so fast that from the sound of it, they look like they are being electrocuted by the phone. But these are the same students who will complain there's always not enough time to finish exam papers!?? Maybe we should give them little key pads for typing the answers instead. I think they should include this skill in the syllabus for the driving tests as well. That way drivers can SMS without being a road hazard. Amazing set of skills and too bad you cannot make a living out of typing SMS messages.

Then there are some who after mastering the foundation of typing, choose to vary the text style to achieve a different kind of aesthetic quality in the arena of SMS. It's like life is not complicated enough. So you will find tHeSe kINd oF mESsaGes oN yOUr pHoNEs WHicH I tHInk DRiVe tHosE pEoPlE rEaDiNg nUts!!! This simple one sentence took me 5 minutes but those SMS commandoes do it everyday faster than my normal messages! I think these people should be doing something really worthwhile with this special skill, like maybe total up the atm machine total withdrawals manually for the day or work as a cashier in old supermarkets where they can type in the 20 digit product code instead of the prices. If they can work with tiny keys at lighting speed, a calculator should be child's play.

Sometimes I have problems ending conversations with the SMS. Like you are happily chatting with the other person but you have to go. If you stop replying, then you wonder whether the other person would think you are rude. Sometimes when I stop replying I feel guilty. Would I keep the other person in suspense? Is he expecting a reply? If I say 'I got to go', would he/she think I think he/she is boring or irritating and cannot wait to end the conversation? Sometimes I experience this feeling of rejection when I get the 'I got to go' thing. To solve this problem, I have come up with a few mutually agreed and understood codes with my friends to lessen the pain. For instance if I say in my SMS to a friend, " Is your father gay?", then it means I really have to attend to something else, its not that I don't want to talk to you but I really have to go. Whether the person replies 'Yes' or 'No' is immaterial, the SMS flow is ended cordially. So maybe you want try something like 'Is the cow coming home for dinner? Or 'My dog just pee on your door'. And they would all mean politely 'I have to go'.