Don't Talk Cork

People who like to hang around my office would probably realise my pc has this screensaver that says Don't Talk Cork. Yes, many people have tried to tell me that I have spelt it wrongly. But I am trying to make it easier for the younger ones to read, especially the Primary Ones. But then again, there are parents who say I teach the kids the wrong thing .... especially spelling!!? Actually till now I still cannot understand what talking cock means.

The cock as we all know has two meanings, one refers to the male hen, and the other refers to ............... a leader. And why cock? Why not talk hen or talk chick? Is the 'cock' all so much more supreme than the other animals? If you compare the tiger and the cock, there's no way the cocks would rule the animal kingdom. Of course there's the fighting cocks in Thailands, which you may describe as awesome warriors. But other than that, they can be just as fried as any other KFC chicken on the dinner table. They cannot run straight, they cannot swim either, and they always look crossed eyed (which is probably why they cannot run straight).

In our truly unique structure of Singlish, the phrase 'talking cock' means talking nonsense or perhaps uttering rubbish, which is what I am doing now. And you have to be careful not to use this phrase in a foreign land, especially the USA. If you are a male and you say 'talking cock' there, the ang mos would want you to strip and show them your mysterious gift between the groins. 'Cos in the US, anything that's able to talk interest them. And if you say it in Thailand, they would want the talking cock to be the judge in the deadly ring of cock fighters, you know, in case the fighters need mediation and a out of court settlement.

But I think in some ways or other, we all have to learn to talk cock a little. Talk a little cock, plus a little exaggeration here and there, peppered with a little bullshit makes one's conversation interesting. My ang mo friends would never suffer from conversation constipation, 'cos they can talk nonstop about anything under the sun, from as trivial as colour pencils to even more trivial issues like colour pencil sharperners! There will be no awkward pauses and the conversation would go on effortlessly, or maybe just pause for a toilet break. But it can be tiring. All listen and no talk gets me hypnotised.

Like any other languages, its not what you say, its how you say it. If you say 'DONT TALK COCK LA!!!' , most would know you are irritated. Or if you say 'just talking cock la ... : ) ' , then there's a certain playful intonation to it and we know you are cool. To me, the facination and artistry of Singlish is such that you can combine words that only we, the little Red dottees of Singapore can understand. My personal favourates are 'Anyhow Talk Cock' and 'Alsocan Talk Cock'.

So how? I keep talking cock non-stop .... better stop now.