The Circus is in Town

Woodlands must be a real fertile ground for events and fun fairs. I know because I stay in this remote part of the island. Every now and then either there is some nightly bazaar selling mattresses and Ramli burgers or the British G-Force team is around to spin people 20 storeys up high and drop them like a bomb. Residents in Woodlands are bored to death and always hungry for entertainment. That’s why these people are here every month to feed them.

So the Moscow circus is here for the third time in Woodlands. They must have heard that we really like to watch elephants walk on two legs or 50 clowns squeezed into one mini cooper. We enjoy paying for a ticket to watch unnatural acts cos that's what the circus is about. Anything that is not normal is unnatural. Juggling with a bowling ball and a water melon is not normal. And so is the guy trying to swallow fire. So technically speaking you can have your own circus if you want to ... just do unnatural acts. For example, you can walk into KFC, order a plate of fried chicken and just eat the bones and wave around with the other hand. I can assure you there will a crowd gathering in front of you in a while.

I think as human beings we have become a sadistic species compared to the others. You will never see another species making dogs wear clothes like us or getting tigers to jump through fire loops. I am sure the animals are not too thrill with all these acts either. The elephants would be wondering why we make them walk on two legs when they have four??! I think one day if the elephants rule the planet, they will make us walk backwards on our hands and then throw peanuts at us from the spectators’ stand. And what is so fascinating about watching elephants walk on two legs? If you see another guy on clutches with one leg bandaged, you don’t go ‘wow! You are walking on one leg!!! Can I take a picture of you? ’

If there are aliens watching us from another planet, they must be wondering why we try to fly around with ropes trying to catch one another at 50 metres above ground or jumping up and down on a giant canvas so happily (trapeze artists). The millions of years of evolution did not help us. We went from ape-like creatures and starting fires with stones to walking straight up and building spaceships. Then now we are back to swinging around ropes in tight underwears and eating bananas again. I am sure the aliens cannot understand the tight rope walking also. Why would anyone walk on a rope when there is a road? Is it to prove we have tiny feet or we have mega balancing power?? Again we are displaying our prehistoric ancestors’ behavior, we used to walk on thin branches of trees, remember?

Why is the tiger so afraid of the chair that the trainer threatens with? These circus tigers should watch how the other tigers in National Geographic do it. They pounce on other bigger animals at the blink of an eye, without pre-warning, swearing and staring. As hard core tigers, they can easily overcome the trainers. But they don’t. Why? I think if the trainer were to use a conductor’s baton to scare off that fella, it would have worked the same. Makes you wonder, right? After extensive research, I have come to the conclusion that the tigers and trainers are the same people from the wrestling matches! They are genuine fakes! Nobody gets hurt during a wrestling session, including the referee. Everyone is a stuntman! Same goes for the tiger. They would pretend how paranoid they are of the whip and chair and the trainer would be able to put his hand into the tiger’s mouth without getting scratched or wet. Everything is really well rehearsed.

The most frustrating thing for the animals in the show would be the ending. These animals slogged and put up the acts but the trainers take the bow. It’s like making a movie and at the end of the credit roll you only see the director’s name. No mention of the actors and actresses. That’s why you always see these animals just standing behind there and salivate and watch others take the credit for the show. If the animals are allowed to carry guns, all the trainers would be dead by now.