Strange Occupation Titles

Don't call him a cleaner: Now, he's the COO
By Rebecca Lee (ST, 5th July 2004)

If the cleaner in your Housing Board block introduces himself as COO, it's because he may be. A conservancy owner operator, that is. He may be part of a new scheme by cleaning contractor SembWaste to spruce up the cleaning industry image.


Now we better show some respect for the Sri Lankan COO cleaning our blocks. Every morning see him must greet and salute also! In other countries, COO (also known as Chief Operating Officer) comes in dark suits and black limousines. Here, the COO wears a yellow t-shirt which says Ah Seng Contractor and he also has a vehicle that is 10 metres long.

But I don't think the cleaner would know his new job title or identify with it, does he? And what is this new title suppose to do for him? Make him feel better because of this lowly paid job? There is no luxurious carpeted office or Expresso machine that comes with this title. He will be lucky if he can just afford to buy a cup of coffee everyday. He may not even know how to pronounce the title properly because I am having problems remembering it myself. Most cannot speak proper English, otherwise they would have been the real CEO instead of this COO.

'Good morning, you must be the new COO of this block.'

'sorry sir, me no speak English. No see, no see ..'

Just went to the Hongkong Shanghai Bank at Parkway. There is a reception table near the door where they would address customers' enquiries. According to the plastic name tag, the lady behind the desk is also known as the First Impression Officer. (In our planet, this job's title is called the receptionist). I was wondering what happens if I decide to visit the bank again tomorrow, does she become Second Impression Officer cos she has already seen me today ... ? Or if I think she is very rude, does she become the Bad Impression Officer??

So this FIO after greeting this Freshly Impressed Customer (which is me) then brought me to the desk of another strange employee called the Personal Wealth Manager. This guy then went on to tell me how he can multiply my cash to many folds in 10 years. I wanted to tell him I only have $12.23 in my HSBC account, is that good enough for him to manage? Can you make me a million in 10 years' time with $12.23? Afterall your graphs and rate of returns looks fantastic to me!

PWM used to be simply known as bank officers. In Citibank, they call these breed of people 'Relationship Managers'. Yes, besides giving you financial advise on loans and deposits, they would also mend a broken heart and take care of your love life. The first time I got a namecard from one of these guys, I asked them if they would stop hanging pigs' heads outside the debtor's house if they default on payment so as to maintain a cordial relationship with the customer.

I wonder what they call the bank tellers who handle day to day banking transactions at the counter. 'Affectionate Currency Executives' or 'Sentimental Fortune Officers'? And what about the clerks working in the backroom? I am sure they have something as fanciful as 'Persevering Paper Shuffling Agent'!

For me in the centre, I will be known as the Acting Deputy Assistant Chief Cashier. And my teachers, well, they will still be known as teachers. Some things are better left the way it is.