The Chinese Signboard

The Hurricane

I think the people working in the weather stations are mostly men and they really have a good sense of humour. Otherwise why would they name all the hurricanes after women? Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Ophelia and now, Hurricane Rita. There must be some kind of association and common traits between women and hurricanes, very much like men and sports.

I found this short description on hurricanes on the internet. Once I put in the words in brackets, only then I know why the weathermen are so right ...

Hurricanes (a.k.a Women)

Hurricanes (women) need warm (care), moisture (passion) and light winds (appreciation) around them. If the right conditions last long enough, a hurricane can achieve violent winds (climax), incredible waves, torrential rains and floods.

A tropical storm (PMS) becomes lethal when the pressure is not diffused. There are on average twelve Atlantic storms (twelve PMS) each year (month); over a three-year (month) period, approximately five storms strike the United States (men) from Texas to Maine (the whole world). The Atlantic hurricane season begins June 1 (when you forgot to kiss her goodbye) and ends November 30 (when you do the housework). The East Pacific hurricane season runs from May 15 (when you are out with the guys) through November 30 (until you are back at 2 a.m.), with peak activity occurring during July through September (when you sit in front of the tv the whole day).

When storms move into full scale, the heavy rain, strong winds and heavy waves can damage buildings (furniture), trees (newspapers) and cars (dinner). The heavy waves are called a storm surge (mood swings). Storm surge (mood swings) is very dangerous and a major reason why you MUST stay away from the ocean (them) at all costs.

Porky Goes Back To School

Porky, Be A Man, Do The Right Thing!

(It's 10,30 p.m and we are still happily taking pictures before your 10.55 p.m flight! porky porky ...)

The Words Which I Don't Understand

1. You take care

The first time I heard this, it felt a little strange. But we all say it because everyone else is saying it. Take what?

" You take care". ok, but take care of what?? Take care of your health? But you just saw me a little while ago and I appeared to be quite healthy right? Maybe you have ESP and you think I am going to get a heart attack in a while or I am going to trip and fall. Then you should be saying " Don't die " instead.

" eh, you don't die ah .. "

" ok, you too, you also don't die"

Then give each other a hug and part.


2. Talk to you

Another strange way of ending a conversation. Heard this one before? " Talk to you" ..... But we were just talking right??? I think this is a short cut for " I will talk to you later" The person just got so lazy that it becomes too tedious and time consuming to include the "I will " and "later". .. So why not eliminate another two words to save another few milli-seconds?

" ok, you"

"You"

Then hang up the phone.


3. No worries

The first time I heard this was from a dear friend of mine, Christie. She was ending the calls with my customers with " No worries" . I remember giving her a strange look that day. Then the second time was from a bank officer recently. The truth is you just answered my enquiries and I am not worried about anything, ok?


4. I tell you something ..

This is very Chinese I think ... I hear this very often in Taiwanese programmes. Why not just go straight to that something you wanted to tell? I think for those people who are in the habit of using this phrase, their lives is full of alert systems. They don't do things directly, they will inform you in advance. So if they are meeting people for the first time, they will tell you "I am going to shake your hand!" ...... then they offer their handshake.


5. God Bless You

I can never get this, people say that to me all the time after I sneeze. You mean I have to sneeze to get blessed??? Do I get double blessed if I kneel in front of God and catch a cold?

I think we should do away with God Bless You when you sneeze, because it would encourage more sneezing. Cos it's good to be blessed by God and anything that is good will reinforce that behaviour positively. So in order to help that person stop sneezing, we should have something more negative to break the pattern ..... like " Oi !!! "

Example :

HAA Chooooooo

" Oiiii !!!!!! " (negative reinforcement)

Didn't help, so one more ..... HAAAA chooo!!!

" Oi !!!! Wa lan eh !!!!! You are disgusting " (more negative reinforcement)

Confirm stop sneezing.