The Camcorder

I have been thinking of a new video recorder for the last umpteen months. Choosing the perfect Camcorder for men is as difficult as women choosing the perfect shoe. You can never end up with the right one because one month later, some other manufacturer will surprise you with another feature, another colour, another design that will make your purchase obsolete! But unlike shoes, men cannot put their camcorder into a shoe box, stacked them up in the storeroom and pretend they don't exist after using it once.

I was quite firm on getting the Sony Camcorder, but one day before heading down to the store, Canon came out with the World’s highest still resolution for a single CCD camcorder . So I thought, ok, I think I like this one better 'cos it has the world highest whatever ... then a few days later, Hitachi launched the World's First Fastest Multi-Format Plus DVD Camcorder! So do I go for the world's highest whatever or world's fastest whatever ..?!! Then Panasonic added the confusion with the World's 1st and only DVD video camera with 3CCD & O.I.S. My beloved Sony finally threw me off with World's Smallest and Lightest HDV Camcorder.

I am glad the manufacturers know we don't really understand most of the technical terms. I think most people would not pick up the camera and think to themselves " this OIS thing is superb, you need this OIS, you should see this!" So they rather tempt us with smallest, biggest, fastest ... words which we will understand without looking up Google. So now I have to decide, do I go for the :

a. World's First and Fastest
b. World's Highest
c. World's First and Only
d. World's Smallest and Lightest

It's highly unlikely that you will find a camcorder with all the above, so you either be the fastest or smallest or nothing. But suppose you decide on one of the above, say ... the World's Highest whatever, then the same camera would and may be the World's Second Fastest or World's Second Smallest Camcorder ... and who wants to be second right? I think I will be extremely uncomfortable with a 'almost' winner product. I hate it if a friend tells me : "hey, you know, your camera almost made it to the fastest category, I feel sorry for you ... "

Until those maufacturers put in features that are obviously different from the other, its going to hard for me to decide which one to buy. Maybe if they have one that takes great picture and is also a M&M dispenser or a camcorder that blows dry your hair, I would be able to pick the right one!

The Cup

World Cup, FA Cup, UEFA Cup, Malaysia Cup, European Cup, Thomas Cup, Singapore Airlines Cup, A Cup, B Cup , Sawadeecup ...

Cups have always facinated me, especially those that come in a pair ... like last week we had the FA cup and UEFA Cup in a week :) (Don't think I don't know what you are thinking)
I like watching the winning team caress it and every player kissing and licking up each other's saliva off the cup. It's just a piece of silver actually, so what's the big deal? It is going to end up in the cupboard anyway ... see, the Cup goes into the c-u-p-board ...

I have checked Google on how the Cup thing started, I mean why the cup and not other utensils as the ultimate prize? Why not World Fork instead? You know the fork is as important as the cup right? They tried to use the plates, I think in tennis, but then they realised people were using them as mirrors, so they stop using that already.

Well, apparently the Cup thing started when Roman Emperors would reward a gladiator's win with his own drinking cup, which of course is made of 24k gold. The handles and lids were only added much later when they started making bigger cups and they realised bigger cups would collect more dust easily ... Had the emperor decided on the spoon or fork, then most trophies today would have shaped like the farmers' shovel.

What if the World Cup was replaced by a stack of cash instead, yes, currency. Like an awesome lot of dollar notes on the table, and the winning team would just grab the money and run round the stadium with hands waving chunks of notes and piles of it strapped around their waists. Afterall isn't that what they have been working for? Nobody would want to wake up everyday to train at 4am, run 500 rounds the stadium and kick 10000 balls for a piece of silver, they want cash! So I say give them cash, not cups!

World Cash definitely sounds better than World Cup.

The Lift

I don't think there's anywhere in the world where the elevator has received so much attention and respect, other than the government and people of Singapore. For the past 40 years ever since the first lift was installed in a HDB block, they have been abused, mistreated and taken for granted. People either pee on it or spit on it. They jump up and down in it, pushing the suspension wires to its limit. And when there is a blackout, you blame it on them for making kids trapped in the lift cry. Like opening an unripe durian, people sometimes pry open the lift doors just to have a peep at the shaft. What's there to see anyway??? You expect to see gold or some sort of secret tunnel to Disneyland???





















But now the lift is given a different status. You may be the fastest lift in the world, but you will not be as important and valued here. For the people, we just want the lift to work a little harder and stop at every floor, so that we can rush to the toilet a little faster. For the politician, it can become your campaigning tool and you can leave out issues on job creation and terrorist attacks. So what if the bird flu comes around and we are out of vaccines? The lift is our number one priority, and no man should be made to climb another flight of unecessary stairs forever!!!

What if you are a politician 3000 years ago and you don't have the lift to entice the voters?
"ok ok, if you vote for me, I will have 20 men carry you up and down the pyramid and I will give you 400 cows each if we export more mummies this year .. "

The Police Tent

The police tent is an indication that the police don't really understand the meaning of death. If the person is not breathing, there is no need to put him in a camping tent. He is not having a beach barbeque later, and he won't be too concerned about getting a sun tan, so why put him under shade? I still like the tradional white cloth, it's cheaper and more functional. At least we know there is something gross underneath. With a tent, you are just going to invite peeping toms. (Don't believe, try camping at the East Coast Park, you are going to have torches shining in every half hour ..)

Since we are on the subject of police, why is it that they have to keep repeating that "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to a lawyer, and to have a lawyer present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense. " ???

What kind of legal advice is that???

The policeman not only has to chase after the guy in their high heel boots and starched uniforms, trip over rubbish bins, run across traffic laden roads .. and when he finally catches up to the point of arrresting him, he has to provide legal counselling at that very moment. It's tiring enough just to type it out, but the police have to recite it cos it's stated in their employment terms and salary package. But do they have to tell that to everyone they arrest? What if the criminal says "Hi, but your breath stinks", would that be used against him in court ? Or what if he is deaf and dumb and he has been silent all his life?

To me, if you want to say something, say something sensible and say things which the common people can understand. " Hands up, you are under arrest. I have a gun so don't move or I will shoot your ass. You are going to be in court anyway so save your breath for the judge. You will be nailed by the public procecutor, so really, don't bother saying anything. If you cannot afford a lawyer, save some money to buy some sponge board instead cos we are giving you the cane every 2 weeks. "

Wouldnt this be better advice?

It's Blogging Time ..

It's been a long break. I don't like to use the word 'hiatus' because it kindda reminds me of a female body part ... The truth is I have been lazy and too focused on doing nothing. And I have been thinking quite straight and proper, so not much crap to write. You'll never know how challenging it is to think crappy until you stepped on your neighbour's dog's pooh ...

I guess the best inspiration or a kick in the butt for some action is when someone tells you she is a fan of your blog. So to my only fan, Mabel, thanks for reading.