Olympics Live Online: 10/01/2006

The Dominoes Pool

The Beauty Contest

Being genetically male, I am qualified to say I enjoy watching beauty contests. All kinds of hormones are raging inside your body when you are watching it on tv. But if you are watching it with your spouse, you have to pretend that it doesn't interest you at all, and you hide behind the newspaper with an occasional glimpse. Either that or you point out things that 'annoy' you, like "Her hair colour looks so bimbotic ..", but you are actually looking everywhere else other than her hair.

The most interesting part about these Miss World and Miss Universe and Miss Solar System contest etc is the Question and Answer session. The usual sequence of the competition is, they have the evening wear, which is good, shows you how elegant these people are behind clothes ... and then they have the swim suits wear, which is even better, but now they have all the men imagine how these pretty women would look when they are without clothes.

Then they bring out these semi naked women in high heels, with the nylon seat belt strapped over the shoulder, one by one to the microphone and asked them questions on world peace. Why do they do that, one may ask? Well you see, these beauty queens are supposed to be potential ambassadors, and when you are an ambassador, you talk to Presidents of countries, which are predominantly male. And when you are semi naked talking to men, you can get things done faster, understand?

But I do think the winner of every of these beauty contest has to be the organiser. To be able to convince so many beautiful women from so many countries to gather at one spot is one sweet party that all men could only dream of.

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The Garlic Juice

I am the current world record holder for the youngest Martell brandy drinker. When I was 12, I drank a MUG of brandy (on the rocks) when my parents were out. I had my eyes on that big green bottle of brandy in that cupboard since I was able to walk. When you are young and short, anything high up looks good. I guess thats why I enjoy climbing trees also. These days, most kid's 'wish list' consists of Ipods and Playstations. Mine was smoking and brandy. I guess I was pretty much inspired by the beer and cigarettes commercials ... the ones where you have the ladies in bikinis running on dreamy-like beaches. I wondered which genius came up with those ads to try and convince the general public that drinking and smoking gives you the same high as wearing bikinis ...

So finally the day came when I was alone in the house, I poured myself the prized brandy and got drunk for the next three days. Dumb right? The brandy must have burnt my brains so badly that many years later, I decided to try juicing garlic and drink it!

Same settings ... alone in the house, this time inspired by Dr. Andrew Weil's 8 Weeks To Optimum Health. "Garlic is good for you." Ya ... but he didn't say how much??!! It must have been a brave but stupid decision. 8 cloves of garlic juice(plus celery and green pepper) is enough to set off a nuclear bomb explosion in your stomach. The moment you gulp it down, you feel like dying! You want to dig your eyes out and pull off your intestines to skip with it. It tasted like petroleum with vingear. I almost collapse after drinking it, I had to crawl to the sofa and lay flat for half an hour before regaining consciousness. It's like Superman swallowing Kryptonite ... garlic immobilises all living cells in your body, including the malfunctioned brain that conceived the idea of drinking garlic juice.

Compared to brandy, garlic is 100 times more lethal, that's why you use it to ward off vampires. When you take that much garlic juice, cockroaches will take a vacation from your house 'cos your breath can be detected across the rubbish dump. Your car will stink so badly that the air purifier will have a heart attack. And for those of you who are brave enough to try, I still have a pack left, washed and cleaned nicely for overnight delivery.