Trust

I hear from my friends in the Commandos that when you jump off the plane in the sky, not only you don't have time to pee, you don't have time to think of anything but just enjoy the view and trust in your parachute. If you don't have the trust, you may panic and fumble, and the parachute may never be released on time properly.

Its very strange when you think about trust. It's just a feel in your heart. It's not even in your head because it cannot be in your head. When it is in your head, it tends to become logic. And when it becomes logic, you start to think with your head again and then things start to become complicated and imbalance because you are thinking of right or wrong, good or bad, left or right. So in the example of a parachuter, he cannot trust with his head because the head is thinking why the hell are you jumping from 50000km above sky. But when he has trust in his heart, he will let go and enjoy the fall, knowing that things would be alright. It is this sense of knowing that is extremely difficult to accomplish. But once done, it feels brighter than enlightment and more serene than your own peace.

So today I let Jia Hui drive my car on her way home. I don't know what came over my head (besides the combination of beer, the sambal sotong, the grilled stingray and delicious mussels), halfway home I decided to let a 19 year old who has barely passed her driving test 3 months ago take over the wheels. And boy she's good ! For once in my entire driving life of 13 years, I was able to take the backseat of my own car and be driven. I call this my virgin backseat ride. I think I could trust Jia Hui to handle the car well. No instructions given and no questions. I had that special sense of trust in my heart like any bungee jumper would. For a brief 5 seconds, I sat back, relaxed, closed my eyes and enjoyed the motion on the outside and the stillness on the inside of the car. I was on the move yet keeping still. Thats the beauty of being driven and that's the essense of trust.

Lexus anyone?

 

Explain God

I found this on the internet. I finally met a smaller version of me!

It was written by an 8-year-old, Danny Dutton of Chula Vista, CA, for his third-grade homework assignment.  The assignment was to explain God. 

EXPLAIN   GOD

One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leaves that to mothers and fathers.

God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this.

God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your Mom and Dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.

Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.

Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and people finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was good and kind, like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said "O.K."

His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So He did. And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important. You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.

You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.

If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.

But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases. And...that's why I believe in God.

The DJ

" Time check, its 2.59 ... "

" It's now a quarter to 9 .... "

" 5 more minutes to the 12 o'clock news ..."

It's about time as listeners we tell the DJs that these days people do have watches and clocks. How many people you know don't have the ability to tell time? You have a watch on your hand, you have a clock in your hp, when I am driving the clock is staring at me right from the dashboard, I stay at home there's a clock in almost every room. Then in between songs, the DJs run out of things to say and then he tells the time. To me, telling the time every 15 minutes is like filling in the gaps between the pauses. Thats right, he's got nothing to say and they are quite pathetic. They are locked inside the cold dark room for 3 hours and they have to talk to themselves, laugh at their own jokes, watch what they say and listen to their own voice throughout the day. Thats why the they keep looking at the time and counting down to the second when they can get out and get lost from the studio.

The only people I feel who can benefit from this time telling services are the Amazon forest people. They are hunting, killing and dancing for the rain, but they have no watches. So if they have the DJs who are kind enough to tell them the time every 30 minutes, it will really help these tribes a lot. Then at least they know the time to gather around for a family dinner and not get so engrossed with work in the forest.

Actually I was thinking since they are so fond of telling the time and looking at the clock so often, why not we make use of them to help us in our schedules, like a On Air Reminder Service. We sms or fax in our requests, then at that specific time, the DJ would go "time check 3.30, now lets see, I got to remind Mr Tan to collect his furniture and Mrs Jones pick up the kids". Yes, thats right, a win win situation for the radio station and the listeners. For us, we get our schedules and appointments right on time, for the radio station they get their listeningship numbers, and of course for the DJs, they satisfy their obsession with time.

The Air Stewardess

A former student came by this afternoon for a visit. She was here 6 years ago and now she has just graduated from NUS with a major in Japanese language. From a playful Sec 4 student to a playful young adult. Time really flies.
 
She had just came back from a one month work stint plus holiday in Japan. Apparently NUS has an intern program to place students for overseas training. In her case, she was attached to a Japanese Bank in Hiroshima. She got so imressed by the Jap culture and people that she has applied to be a air stewardess with Japan Airline! And she has beaten 200 applicants to be one of the 15 chosen to fly with JAL. The interview was not easy she said. Took her almost a month of testing and interviews to finally get the job.
 
The Japanese are so strict and tough with the people they pick. Your hair has to be really black and your complexion must be good, if not, perfect. They want this pure non contaminated Asian look. I think if I had applied I would have failed miserably. The only part of my body that meets this criteria of extreme black hair and perfect complexion is my backside and my …. Seriously, for me to go for the interview, I would have to strip and bend over. That way they only see the blackest and fairest.

And you cannot be tanned and must be pleasant looking or pretty. Sounds more like a chauvinistic beauty contest if you ask me. No wonder the Japanese men find it hard to control themselves on board after a few glasses of whisky. I mean who can resist if you keep selecting stewardesses of Miss Universe calibre. 

There was one question which was however quite puzzling. She said she has to fly from Singapore to USA via Japan quite often. As such the different time zones would mean many changes to sleep and meals. Which poses one big problem: when you have breakfast here then fly to the USA and you reach there 16 hours later but in the morning. Do you still have breakfast there or dinner??! Another Einstein question ..

But I think the Singapore government would be jumping up and down if they hear that our local graduates are becoming air stewardesses instead of more ‘professional’ use your brain work. The amount of subsidy for education from Primary to University is enormous for a child here. I have nothing against people in the airline industry, but when you think of the air stewardess’s job as someone who serves coffee and look pretty in mid-air, you cannot help but feel the pain for the taxpayers.

The same for the pilots. I once met a British Airway pilot and I asked him what is the most difficult part about flying a plane. He said it’s the taking off and the landing. Other than these two functions, most of the navigation and flying is done by the ‘auto pilot’! I then asked him why not we ‘auto’ all the way and cut cost on the four pilots per plane. The British guy walked away without saying goodbye.  Guess I must have touched a sensitive issue here. But technology is so advanced now, can't they make a plane take off and land on its own? I dont think it's that difficult considering they have invented the remote control for almost everything now .. e.g the remote control for the clock.

What do they do while the plane is on autopilot?? They just sit around and hang around, occasionally telling you the weather and the altitude on the outside with that sleepy microphonic voice. Who on earth would be interested in the weather outside the plane 50000 metres above ground??? Any chance of you stepping outside the plane for a chat or a breath of fresh air??! Or in case you have to jump off the plane in a hurry you could bring along an umbrella for the cloudy sky?? If I want the weather report I just have to look out of the window!

And they always like to wish you a pleasant journey. No, don't wish me anything, just make sure you fly to the place stated on my air ticket. That would be good enough for me. 

Porky Got Conned

Yesterday made an appointment to get a hair cut with Porky. We both seem to like this particular hair saloon near the hawker centre because the hair stylist knows what we need ... a pretty face washing our hair instead of a yellow hair Ah Beng with elongated nails scraping our tender scalp.

As usual Porky is late by an hour. He told me he had a 'business appointment'. A business appointment??? How does a full time national service army assistant vehicle spare parts storeman have a business appointment? Like a child who just broke a glass, Porky looks a little uneasy and he starts to mumble to himself at a decibel only audible to God. Of course I feel like strangling him when I cannot hear him properly.

I sensed that something was not quite right. It did not take very long with my stern voice to get him to admit. Apparently Porky just spent $1000 on what he described as BEAUTY PRODUCTS. One would think that he just visited a beauty spa salon or something and got mesmerised into buying skin care products. But no, he just came back with a bag of air freshener, some facial wash and toner and a synthetic leather folder. Each of this item costs $288 and to attract the gullible juicy Porky, they round it up to $1000. Later when I looked at the stuff in the bag, I estimated the total value to be less than $30. The facial bag had names on tubes that is not printed properly. The supposedly aromatherapy stuff is actually a air freshener burner lamp with oil. The best part is, Porky doesn't know what's really in the bag!

Porky had unknowingly got himself involved with some multi-level marketing scam. (Something like Pyramid selling schemes). In fact he doesn't even know he is in it! I believe every action has a motivation behind it, so I asked Porky what made him part with the only $1000 he had in his bank acount. He said there is an opportunity for him to make more money and make full use of his army time. By getting more of his friends to part with their $1000 , Porky would get to earn commission from these people. And if the other friends get their other friends to join in the schemes, Porky would earn more commissions from the friends' friends also. So the chain will keep on extending and he is suppose to profit from every level. So he thinks.

These multi level marketing people prey on the greed of the young impressionable minds. I think most people who got involved don't know what they are suppose to sell except to find people to be part of this scheme. The idea is to generate a long list of losers who will pay to this company their hard earn money. The product for sale don't even matter. It can be a bag of flour and these people won't bother. To me its more like a souvenir bag for being conned of $1000. What the company is saying is "Thank you for giving us $1000 for nothing, we hope you won't mind this little parting gift, which is some soap for you wash your face after crying and in case you cannot take it, some fragrance oil to poison yourself."

So when Porky realised this deal ain't so sweet and he has been cheated, he asked me if he should get a refund or should he just find more of his friends to join in the scheme so that he can recuperate his money. Can you beat that??? If you feel like digging his eyes out at this moment, try and imagine what Haddad and I were going through when we first heard his options. I think Haddad was holding my arms to prevent any violent confrontations.

Porky then started calling the 'introducer' for a refund, who then ask him to call his 'sponsor' who then asked him to call his junior manager who finally referred him to the senior manager. The senior manager asked him to bring the bag to his office. We were afraid that Porky may be sweet talked again and possibly conned into parting MORE money by the manager. I then decided to accompany him to the office at Shenton Way after we closed the centre.

In the car, Porky looked like a deflated balloon. He kept sighing and taking long breaths throughout the journey. I pitied him and was wondering if I would do the same if I was 18. But there are 50 year olds who were conned into buying expensive cooking pots and magic stones. So Porky is also just as human I think.

When we reached there, I was really shocked when I saw a huge office full of people like Porky talking and negotiating on a Sunday evening. I never knew a place like this could ever exist in Singapore. I am very sure there was nobody 25 years or older. All young punks with black shirts and ties hoping to make a million in a month. Half of them looks like army guys. There were a couple of 'managers' who had spiky dyed hair, wearing coats and walking around with a artificial sense of confidence. If you accidentally walked into this office, you would mistaken this place for a juvenile gangster hideout. You could not see the product they are suppose to peddle, only computers to see who got sucked into the scheme and a few aromotherapy lamps in a glass shelf in one miserable corner. But we cannot find the person in charge. I think nobody is in charge when it comes to a refund.

After a few trips up and down the building (cos Porky was not sure which floor he gave his money to), we finally got hold of this 'manager' call Mr Rick. Rick is only 22 years old. But he was quite polite because I had that intimidating look in every part of my body. He took back the stuff from Porky without even checking if it was the complete set and ran through some forms which Porky had signed. The forms had stated that Porky was not coerced into signing and paying for anything and so no legal actions can be taken against them. Rick then went on to say he will 'submit' the forms to the 'upper management' for the refund but will not promise anything.

When we left the place, Porky felt a sense of relief although I am sure he will not get all his money back. But I think this is a valuable lesson for him. Somehow we can be greedy at times. We always want more than what we already have. Greed for money, knowledge, power and everything else. Greed propels people into action. But it depends on what on we are doing to satify this need. Some people can be greedy all their lives and still be alright. Its all about a matter of doing the right things the right way and the right amount. Right Porky?

Strange Occupation Titles

Don't call him a cleaner: Now, he's the COO
By Rebecca Lee (ST, 5th July 2004)

If the cleaner in your Housing Board block introduces himself as COO, it's because he may be. A conservancy owner operator, that is. He may be part of a new scheme by cleaning contractor SembWaste to spruce up the cleaning industry image.


Now we better show some respect for the Sri Lankan COO cleaning our blocks. Every morning see him must greet and salute also! In other countries, COO (also known as Chief Operating Officer) comes in dark suits and black limousines. Here, the COO wears a yellow t-shirt which says Ah Seng Contractor and he also has a vehicle that is 10 metres long.

But I don't think the cleaner would know his new job title or identify with it, does he? And what is this new title suppose to do for him? Make him feel better because of this lowly paid job? There is no luxurious carpeted office or Expresso machine that comes with this title. He will be lucky if he can just afford to buy a cup of coffee everyday. He may not even know how to pronounce the title properly because I am having problems remembering it myself. Most cannot speak proper English, otherwise they would have been the real CEO instead of this COO.

'Good morning, you must be the new COO of this block.'

'sorry sir, me no speak English. No see, no see ..'

Just went to the Hongkong Shanghai Bank at Parkway. There is a reception table near the door where they would address customers' enquiries. According to the plastic name tag, the lady behind the desk is also known as the First Impression Officer. (In our planet, this job's title is called the receptionist). I was wondering what happens if I decide to visit the bank again tomorrow, does she become Second Impression Officer cos she has already seen me today ... ? Or if I think she is very rude, does she become the Bad Impression Officer??

So this FIO after greeting this Freshly Impressed Customer (which is me) then brought me to the desk of another strange employee called the Personal Wealth Manager. This guy then went on to tell me how he can multiply my cash to many folds in 10 years. I wanted to tell him I only have $12.23 in my HSBC account, is that good enough for him to manage? Can you make me a million in 10 years' time with $12.23? Afterall your graphs and rate of returns looks fantastic to me!

PWM used to be simply known as bank officers. In Citibank, they call these breed of people 'Relationship Managers'. Yes, besides giving you financial advise on loans and deposits, they would also mend a broken heart and take care of your love life. The first time I got a namecard from one of these guys, I asked them if they would stop hanging pigs' heads outside the debtor's house if they default on payment so as to maintain a cordial relationship with the customer.

I wonder what they call the bank tellers who handle day to day banking transactions at the counter. 'Affectionate Currency Executives' or 'Sentimental Fortune Officers'? And what about the clerks working in the backroom? I am sure they have something as fanciful as 'Persevering Paper Shuffling Agent'!

For me in the centre, I will be known as the Acting Deputy Assistant Chief Cashier. And my teachers, well, they will still be known as teachers. Some things are better left the way it is.

The Circus is in Town

Woodlands must be a real fertile ground for events and fun fairs. I know because I stay in this remote part of the island. Every now and then either there is some nightly bazaar selling mattresses and Ramli burgers or the British G-Force team is around to spin people 20 storeys up high and drop them like a bomb. Residents in Woodlands are bored to death and always hungry for entertainment. That’s why these people are here every month to feed them.

So the Moscow circus is here for the third time in Woodlands. They must have heard that we really like to watch elephants walk on two legs or 50 clowns squeezed into one mini cooper. We enjoy paying for a ticket to watch unnatural acts cos that's what the circus is about. Anything that is not normal is unnatural. Juggling with a bowling ball and a water melon is not normal. And so is the guy trying to swallow fire. So technically speaking you can have your own circus if you want to ... just do unnatural acts. For example, you can walk into KFC, order a plate of fried chicken and just eat the bones and wave around with the other hand. I can assure you there will a crowd gathering in front of you in a while.

I think as human beings we have become a sadistic species compared to the others. You will never see another species making dogs wear clothes like us or getting tigers to jump through fire loops. I am sure the animals are not too thrill with all these acts either. The elephants would be wondering why we make them walk on two legs when they have four??! I think one day if the elephants rule the planet, they will make us walk backwards on our hands and then throw peanuts at us from the spectators’ stand. And what is so fascinating about watching elephants walk on two legs? If you see another guy on clutches with one leg bandaged, you don’t go ‘wow! You are walking on one leg!!! Can I take a picture of you? ’

If there are aliens watching us from another planet, they must be wondering why we try to fly around with ropes trying to catch one another at 50 metres above ground or jumping up and down on a giant canvas so happily (trapeze artists). The millions of years of evolution did not help us. We went from ape-like creatures and starting fires with stones to walking straight up and building spaceships. Then now we are back to swinging around ropes in tight underwears and eating bananas again. I am sure the aliens cannot understand the tight rope walking also. Why would anyone walk on a rope when there is a road? Is it to prove we have tiny feet or we have mega balancing power?? Again we are displaying our prehistoric ancestors’ behavior, we used to walk on thin branches of trees, remember?

Why is the tiger so afraid of the chair that the trainer threatens with? These circus tigers should watch how the other tigers in National Geographic do it. They pounce on other bigger animals at the blink of an eye, without pre-warning, swearing and staring. As hard core tigers, they can easily overcome the trainers. But they don’t. Why? I think if the trainer were to use a conductor’s baton to scare off that fella, it would have worked the same. Makes you wonder, right? After extensive research, I have come to the conclusion that the tigers and trainers are the same people from the wrestling matches! They are genuine fakes! Nobody gets hurt during a wrestling session, including the referee. Everyone is a stuntman! Same goes for the tiger. They would pretend how paranoid they are of the whip and chair and the trainer would be able to put his hand into the tiger’s mouth without getting scratched or wet. Everything is really well rehearsed.

The most frustrating thing for the animals in the show would be the ending. These animals slogged and put up the acts but the trainers take the bow. It’s like making a movie and at the end of the credit roll you only see the director’s name. No mention of the actors and actresses. That’s why you always see these animals just standing behind there and salivate and watch others take the credit for the show. If the animals are allowed to carry guns, all the trainers would be dead by now.